My boo..

Here I am again... A lot of things had happened since my last post .. the reason i stopped posting on this blog is because I thought I wouldn't have to anymore since Kennoo and I aren't friends anymore.. A lot had happened and I won't go into the details.. but the last thing he wanted me to do is to break up with my girlfriend or else he would break out relationship.. I couldn't do it even he was my friend for many years.. I just love my girlfriend too much.. I really love her that i want to make her my wife.. Some people just say that i am blinded by love, I don't care if i am blinded by love or whatever, what i know is that I love her. And just as expected... we separated and walked into 2 different paths. When ever we see each other, we would just pretend that we were never friends, or never existed.. I wasn't bothered by it anymore because i thought that my best friend would never ask me to break up with someone i love otherwise i would lose him ..

So after that incident, everything went well, we were still in love with each other really deeply.. Until our first anniversary, we still love each other like how it was when we first started dating..or at least i feel that way

and this is a video i made for her for one year anniversary

 . To be honest, we had a lot of problems in this relationship, we had a huge fight again recently that we almost broke up.. again... I wonder if this is the so called "on off" I never stopped loving her.. I still love her sooooooooooo muchh.... but that doesnt really matter i guess.. I went to a school trip roughly a month ago, and it was a pretty fun trip. The main thing we do in the trip is going to a school really early until around late afternoon. What we are doing in the school is kind of like model united nation. Basically we do the things that the people in the UN would do like discussing problems, submitting resolutions for the problems and debate whether the resolution should pass or not. The thing is that we dont only go to the school during the trip. There are also night events organized and it's mostly parties or just chilling in a bar since this Model United Nation is organized by a student after all. I promised my girlfriend before going on the trip to not go out during the night because shes a really insecure girl so i promised her that i wouldnt go out so she would feel more at ease while i am on the trip. However, i joined my friends on wednesday to go hang out in a bar to have some beer and watch a football game of Chelsea against FC Barcelona. And i also went out on the last day because we werent allowed to stay in the hostel all by ourselves and everyone was out, even the teachers, so i had no choice but to go out and enjoy myself a little since i am there anyways.

A lot of pictures were taken during those night events and i of course am also in some of the pictures. My girlfriend was really unhappy for the fact that i broke the promise and went out the last night even though i had no choice. I tried to explain to her how it was impossible to stay in the hostel and i didnt mean to break the promise because my friends were going out every single night and i just stayed.. This ended up almost breaking our relationship of 13 months.. She said she cant trust me anymore because i had broken 2 promises and the first one was that i didnt give her her birthday present on time because that present was extremely expensive.. It  was the Canon EOS 600D, a kind of camera that a proffesional would use so i didnt have enough money when it was her birthday.. She said she wouldnt be happy to be with a guy that she doesnt trust.. therefore she doesnt know whether or not she should stay with me... We tried talking to each other but ended up going no where for almost an hour and i suggested that we try this one last time and if it doesnt work then we will break up or break up right away if she doesnt want to try anymore, but she still had some feelings for me therefore she decided that she would try it one last time.

I thought everything is going to be better soon but now whenever i tried to kiss her, hug her.. I would feel a little resistance from her, its as if she doesnt want to be hugged or kissed by me.. that there is no love between us anymore, is it possible that she felled out of love with me already without knowing? She also started smoking because of stress that is caused by "me". I asked her what kind of stress i was causing her to smoke but she wouldnt tell me. I thought that if she tells me and i would try to stop giving her stress so she would stop smoking but it didnt work. So i ended smoking with her because i absolutely hate the smell in the mouth after she smokes but if i smoke too i wouldnt smell it ...

So how is it going to be between us? I wonder ... it just doesnt... feel right anymore ... I am feeling that shes being really cold towards me.. would we still be like the way we were before ..? smiling whenever we see each other.. missing each other so much that she wouldnt want to leave my house when she is here.. i miss those times .. i miss the time when she still loves me a lot ..........................